Generation Exceptional

Ep 48 - My Half Dozen Things for a Happy, Successful Life

A short while ago a good friend and business associate invited me to be a guest on his new podcast 'A Half Dozen Things'.

A Half Dozen Things is a genius formula for a podcast where Pete invites guests to come and share the half dozen things that they believe are key to a successful life, career, business etc.

I think I brought a rather different feel to his show with my half dozen things, which included:

1. Follow the Evidence

2. Be Like Barbie

3. The Gut Knows

4. Join Forces

5. Keep Showing Up

6. Assume Good Intent

You can check out Pete's Podcast by visiting A Half Dozen Things on Podbean but you'll also find him on iTunes, Spotify and most podcast platforms. Pete is the owner of Flagship Partners, a training and consultancy business providing high quality training specifically around Driver CPC, Mental Health at Work, Health and Safety and all those mandatory training requirements. Oh, and he's damned good at it too!

Ep 47 - Gen X Shorts - Facing Anxiety As We Come Out Of Lockdown

I don't know about you, but over the last 14 weeks or so of lockdown in the UK, I've not ventured further than about 2 miles to our local supermarket. As a person who loves being around people and loves getting out and about, the idea of being nervous about going out scared me more than going out itself.

But, as time has gone on I've been finding myself creating excuse after excuse as to why I shouldn't go out.

Getting my husband or son to do the shopping, only visiting one supermarket if I absolutely had to and limiting myself to the school run to help my daughter out as she's a key worker.

These few journeys felt familiar and safe. I know what I'm meant to be doing. I understand the rules at the supermarket. I know the one way system the school has instigated so I don't have to worry about getting anything wrong.

I think another part of the issue is that my only real window into the outside world has been through social media and online meetings via Zoom. I've had, as I'm sure many have, a sanitised and cossetted vision of life outside. My home office has become my sanctuary where previously it was a bit of prison cell that I'd get out of at any opportunity. Usually through a trip to Costa or Pret or a for a cuppa with a friend or business acquaintance.

Instead my office is safe. I can't inadvertently breach any rules or break etiquette that I wasn't even aware of. I can sit at the computer and tap into my virtual world safe in the knowledge that no one is going to hurl abuse at me for getting too close, ignoring a one way system or simply breathing too loudly!

Now I do realise that that's me exaggerating but that's the problem with anxiety isn't it? The brain over exaggerates reality. The mind sets off on some story telling rant about what might, possibly happen if you leave the safety of the comfort zone and venture out into the big bad world.

Strangely my anxiety hasn't been about a fear of catching the virus. I feel that that is as inevitable as catching a cold and my body will deal with that as and when it hits. Despite the fact that I can't control whether or not I get the virus or not, I know that I can control how I feel about it.

But my anxiety about facing other people OUT THERE in the BIG BAD WORLD has me feeling out of control. And I don't like feeling out of control.

So, this anxiety has been steadily growing in intensity over the last 6 or 7 weeks. The longer I've been isolated at home the more I've had time to fret about going out. It came to a head yesterday when I was preparing to head off to my local supermarket - the one I am familiar with and therefore quite comfortable about visiting - when my husband Mark asked if I could stop off at Screwfix on my way back and collect an order he was waiting on.

And here's what happened!

I suddenly felt my stomach churn. My heart began to race. I felt a bit of panic rising in my chest and into my throat.

I felt my lip start to tremble and tears prick my eyes and I just said 'I can't do that' I know it's stupid but I just can't face doing that'.

Thankfully Mark's pretty good at not making me feel silly but he probably did the worst thing possible. He said don't worry, I'll go and I'll grab the shopping too if you give me your list.

With a huge sense of relief I handed him the list and off he went and I physically relaxed. Panic over. Danger gone. Big Bad World not my problem - at least for now.

The real problem though, is that once lockdown is fully lifted and life and work return to whatever form it's likely to take, I fully intend to return to doing what I love which is working with businesses and organisations to raise awareness of menopause and to facilitate management training sessions and that means delivering face to face, in person workshops.

And I can't do that if I'm too scared to leave the house

So this morning I set myself a goal of getting out and pushing through the discomfort. I made a promise to myself that I would only work in the morning and after lunch I would get in my car and drive 10 miles to our next nearest town, rather than the usual 2 miles to our local town as I would usually do. I would park up and walk up and down the high street and go into one shop that I wasn't familiar with.

It was harder than I'd expected too. I spend most of my 'normal' life driving up and down the length and breadth of the country and driving has never caused me any real problems, apart from about 10 years ago when I spun my car on black ice and spent a few months feeling anxious every time I passed that bit of road. Interestingly I'd got over that problem by forcing myself to gradually expose myself to driving that particular road - starting off only when the weather was dry and driving conditions were really good, then gradually including night driving until eventually I was able to drive that same bit of road without even thinking about the crash.

But going back to my short 10 mine journey into town this afternoon, it felt very strange, especially when I got to the car park and really messed around trying to reverse park into a parking slot - not even a difficult parking slot. I think I was just very tense and over thinking things.

I spent an hour wandering around the town and managed to go into two shops so I exceeded my expectations!

The first was a butchers, which was easy as there was a big sign saying 2 customers at a time only. There was no queue and only one other person in the shop so no risk of screwing that rule up.

The next was a Savers, you know the budget chemist I guess you'd call it, but this caused a new wave of anxiety as they were working a one in one out system and the aisles were very narrow, no way to maintain a 2 metre distance from people. But I did it anyway and came out alive and in one piece.

I'd grabbed a take away sandwich from the butchers and found a bench to sit on to eat it. But then a man sat down on the other end of the bench and all I could think was is he 2 metres away? And there is was, that wave of anxiety rising again.

So, I know that all of these feelings are totally irrational. I know that none of these actions are going to cause me any real danger - notwithstanding giving me Covid which I've already mentioned actually doesn't worry me too much.

So for anyone else who is feeling even remotely similar to me at the minute, I thought I'd just share my strategies for pushing through. They may help or you may need to find your own strategies, but whatever you do please don't ignore the feelings and allow them to take a grip. Anxiety is just unnecessary worry about something that you have no control over and which in all likelihood won't hurt you anyway.

Tip 1 - You're the boss not the anxiety.

Simply refuse to let your over anxious feelings rule you. I said in a podcast I recorded for someone else a few weeks ago we should follow the evidence. So acknowledge that all the evidence suggests that the dangers are really low, that your fears are exaggerated and that you are stronger than your racing thoughts. As the old saying goes, don't believe everything you think.

Tip 2 - Set a small goal and gradually built on it.

I was originally going to drive into Peterborough city today but I felt that it was too big a leap. Instead I settled on a small town. I set myself a goal to go into one unfamiliar shop. As it happens I went into 2 so I'm feeling pretty good about it. When I was trying to overcome the anxiety following my car accident I didn't immediately push myself to drive down a dark, icy road, I gradually built up until the drive didn't have any effect any more.

Tip 3 - Thank your anxious mind for looking after you.

In truth, I am fully aware that anxiety is a natural response from the primitive mind to protect us and keep us safe. I also know that fighting the monkey brain isn't going to work. I have to reassure it that everything is ok. This is really about being kind to yourself and recognising that whilst the feelings might not be rational or logical they are understandable. So literally thank your anxious brain for looking after you and reassure it that you'll be fine. As I got into the car this afternoon to drive to Stamford I closed my eyes, took a few long, deep breaths, and told myself everything was fine and I could turn around and come back at any time if I didn't want to keep going.

I knew that once I'd got out of the door and started driving it would get easier so I kept on telling my monkey that we were fine.

Tip 4 - Visualisation

I learned this from Mel Robbins, the author of the 5 second rule. She says that when she flies, which she has a genuine fear of, she visualises arriving at her hotel or getting home to her family. She pictures in her mind everyone sitting down to dinner and sharing their day. The premise being that if she is there with her family or all settled into her hotel room, then she must have safely arrived and the flight must have landed safely.

So as I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, I also visualised getting back home with a bag of shopping that I'd bought in Stamford. I saw myself reversing into my driveway and smiling as I got out of the car. I saw myself as relaxed and happy having enjoyed a bit of retail therapy again.

I'm not sure pre-Covid I'd have seen a joint of brisket, 2 packs of back bacon, a bottle of Head and Shoulders and some interdental brushes as true retail therapy, but hey, we have to start somewhere!

and finally, Tip 5 - Speak Out

A problem shared is a problem halved as they say. So as I sat in the car park in Stamford, overlooking the meadows that sit on the far side of the River Welland, I picked up my phone and recorded a short video about my experiences and shared it on LinkedIn.

There are a couple of reasons for this. The first one is purely for selfish reasons. I felt that speaking about my experience would in some way dilute it. And it really did. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and found that vocalising a problem diminishes its impact.

The second reason was to hopefully reassure others who may be feeling the same anxieties that their not alone. Not everyone feels comfortable to share their experiences and it can make the problem even more intense if we keep it locked away.

I posted the video onto LinkedIn and I had some interesting responses. I thought I'd share a few with you here.

One lady posted:

I can completely relate to this. My daily walk was about fresh air but then I stopped doing it. Now I have reinstated it and it’s about going outside and reminding myself what a beautiful world is out there. Not perfectly safe but then again it never was.

Another shared:

100% - and for the first 10 weeks the supermarket freaked me out too! Never ever been anxious but with menopause striking along with lockdown I’ve been anxious too. Every little throat tickle or headache has caused much consternation & dwelling.

Another lady wrote:

Thanks for talking about your experience Beverly. What you are describing is rational. We went into lockdown because of a real threat and now it is a challenge to come out of it. For me part of the stress is worrying about how others will keep their distance. Last week I stretched myself by driving further and going to a really big supermarket. Today I drove to a beachfront and although there were more people out than I would have liked, it was a good experience. Keep going at your own pace.

Another wrote:

I went to local petrol station on Saturday having been isolated since March 13th and I was very anxious. I was hyper aware of anyone coming near me and nearly dumped purchases and left. But I stuck with it. It’s not easy at all...but we have to start somewhere.

Interestingly none of my male connections commented but I'm fairly sure this isn't a female only problem and I really hope that any men listening or following my LinkedIn posts feel reassured that its normal for them too.

Stay safe and stay well and remember if ever you're feeling anxious there's always someone to reach out to and if that's me, then that's absolutely fine.

If you don't already, you can follow me on LinkedIn by searching for my name Beverly Thorogood, you'll know it's me as there's lots of menopause references in my profile. Which incidentally doesn't help with the whole anxiety stuff, but maybe that's a subject for another day...

Ep 46 - Becoming Unstuck with Will Aylward

Have your ever found yourself stuck in a job you hate or trapped in a toxic relationship. It can feel like you have no choice but to simply put up or shut up.

My guest today is Will Ayward. Will discovered at a very young age that being stuck didn't mean not having any choice. He realised that our thinking patterns are what get in our way and keep us focused on the problem rather than looking forward to what we do want rather than being 'stuck' in the very thing we don't want.

Will is a coach, a Rapid Transformation Therapist and a published author who has gone through his own journey and managed to get himself 'nstuck' from an unfulfilling job, pay day loan debt and no sense of purpose to where he is now. At just 29 years old his emotional maturity is helping other people to realise they can change their thinking patterns, increase their choices and Become Unstuck too.

His book, 'Becoming Unstuck - Your Step By Step Guide to Taking Charge of Your Life' is a practical and effective coaching tool to help you acknowledge your unchallenged whispers, overcome barriers and help you to live a life beyond the stars.

You can find our more about Will by visiting his website https://www.willaylward.com/ or find him on LinkedIn and Facebook

Ep 45 Gen X Shorts - Podcasting for the Terrified

Quick episode from me today talking about 3 fantastic apps to help you launch and publish your own podcast straight from your mobile phone. No fancy tech skills needed. Podcasting is a fantastic way to engage with your ideal customers and share your knowledge and expertise. Today I'm sharing how you can get started for free without fancy or costly tech equipment and software. Enjoy.

Ep 44 - With Dr Susanna Unsworth - Specialist Menopause Doctor

I'm joined today by Dr Susanna Unsworth who runs the specialist menopause clinic Cambridge Women's Health offering dedicated menopause help and support to women not just within Cambridge but also, via the wonders of tech, nationally too.

In this episode we share some great information about how to get the best from a visit to your GP to discuss menopause, the real facts about Hormone Replacement Therapy and the low down on why we don't always get the most up to date advice from our doctor when it comes to menopause.

If you've felt let down by your GP when you sought help for menopause or if you just want to know the facts without the fluff, this is an episode you definitely won't want to miss.

You can check out Dr Susanna's blog Female GP where she discusses everything relating to women's health.

If you need some help with your health and mindset as you navigate your way through your midlife transition, coaching is a great way to help you get clarity, confidence and direction which is exactly where I can help you. Drop me a line at bev@florescotraining.co.uk and let's have a no pressure chat.

And if your an employer or an HR professional looking to introduce menopause awareness training for your employees, I can help with that too. Message me on the address above or call 01778 302464.

Ep 43 - Gen Ex Shorts - It’s OK to not be OK

Depression isn't something I've experienced much of in my life thankfully. I've often had to manage stress and anxiety but luckily not depression.

In this Gen X shorts episode I wanted to share my own very recent experience of what I now recognise as depression in the hope that maybe it will help other people struggling with emotions that feel alien to them during this time of uncertainty and change.

I realise we will all experience emotions differently and how we choose to respond to those emotions will also be different for each of us. Maybe my response isn't what the textbooks would advise but withdrawing and spending time feeling a little bit sorry for myself seemed to work for me.

Stay safe everyone.

Ep 42 - The discovery of a brain tumour, the perimenopause and an unsympathetic line manager - this is Nicki’s story

In today's episode I'm joined by Nicki Hetfield-Rogerson. Nicki is a freelance recruitment consultant now but before starting her business, she was employed by a large corporate organisation.

Sadly they failed to provide the support necessary to help her through a distressing diagnosis of a brain tumour, combined with panic attacks, anxiety and a massive loss of confidence caused by the early onset of peri-menopause. causing her to feel she had little option than to resign her position..

Sadly Nicki's story is not uncommon (well, maybe the brain tumour!) and I'm sure will resonate with many employees who are struggling to deal with poor mental health or menopause related symptoms.

Many managers lack the skills and empathy to deal with these situations. Training can make the difference between a manager who is supportive in helping to retain talented members of staff and those who drive that talent away.

If you're an HR professional or a business owner keen to upskill your employees, especially during the uncertainty we're facing right now, drop me a message at bev@florescotraining.co.uk and let's discuss how Floresco Training and Coaching can help. www.florescotraining.co.uk

Ep 41 - The benefits of yoga during a pandemic with Elaine Robinson

Today I'm chatting with my friend and yoga instructor Elaine Robinson as she shares her thoughts and expertise on how we can use the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of yoga to help us to keep fit and healthy during the uncertainty of the current coronavirus pandemic.

You can find out more about Elaine by visiting her on Facebook at Elaine Robinson Yoga or Instagram at, you guessed it, Elaine Robinson Yoga